Maryam’s Musings

I cannot believe its February already. Time seems to fly so fast now that I feel as if I don’t have anymore time to do anything at all. Of course, Allah has promised that as the judgment day approaches, you would feel that time becomes shorter everyday! Allahu akbar. May Allah accept all our repentance, accept all our deeds and guide us to the right path. 

Last week was challenging. My team presented a paper to the management committee. Before the paper was tabled, I was required to present the outcome of the trip to Cairo and Alexandria in December. It all went smoothly under this particular person walked into the room. I have always found him to be a difficult person to deal with. I have had many arguments with him. I even remember the argument I had with him when I first joined this organization. That was like, 8 years ago!

Anyway, him being himself, he started commenting. Every single thing that we have done, or plan to do is wrong. Nope! Just not good enough. My superior even commented that he is just like a snake.. in every conversation, he will look for others’ mistakes and weaknesses, and comment on it. 

I tried to see his point of view, but it just doesn’t make any sense. I tried to be positive but I couldn’t. But I have never stopped feeling guilty. You see, I know his dad. His dad is a very respectful ustaz in town. Everyone knows this ustaz. I just wonder why he is nothing like his dad.  

.. iman tak dapat diwarisi… dari seorang ayah yang bertakwa… Well, I keep reminding myself of this! 

Meanwhile, Ustaz Ishak Baharom, a mujaddid, returned to his Creator just recently. Al Fatihah.

The woman whom my mother grew up with (besides my late grandmother) died of old age on Wednesday, 16 January. Ah Mak, as we fondly call her, drew her last breath in front of all her children at about 11.20 p.m. She was 107 years old. 

 My whole family, including my two kids, went to pay our last respects on Thursday night. Mak was so devastated and she cried almost uncontrollably. Personally, I have never seen her like that before. When Opah passed away, I was overseas studying so I couldn’t imagine how she had reacted. But I truly understand her situation. Ah Mak practically took care of her since she was still small while my Opah was busy working to make a living. I think it was Ah Mak and her late husband who paid who her schooling, up until she went to the Teachers’ Institute. Although she was Chinese, it did not matter to them that we are Muslims.  May Allah grant Mak the strength to move on. 

Saturday 19 January was my mother’s 63rd birthday and my husband’s 30th birthday. At first, I had planned to call some of Mak’s close friends to celebrate it at our house. But, Mak was still  grieving over the death of Ah Mak. After much arguing (as usual!) finally, we decided to have dinner at Krom Luang Restaurant in Ipoh. It was my first time there. It wasn’t too bad at all.  The food was good and the ambiance was …well,  just nice.  I bought Abang a book for his birthday. He is so into reading thriller novels nowadays. I am beginning to wonder why. 

Anyway, I have lots more to update. Will do so when I find the time..

My husband’s officemate got married yesterday. The reception was held in a small town called Parit. (Actually, Parit is where my dad was born and raised.) It was a simple and nice wedding. (And nice food too!) Unfortunately, we had to leave early without saying hello to the newlyweds as my kids were getting restless in the hot sun.  

Anyway, we decided to drive along my dad’s kampong on the way home. I knew that my late grandparents’ home had been demolished as there was no one living there ever since they passed away. When I approached the ‘home’, or land – I felt a certain awkwardness. I had tears in my eyes. I tried to recall the happy times I had with my grandparents. When we actually got there, it was just too much for me to handle. There was practically nothing left. Not even a single wood or brick or even signs that there had been a house there before. That was the house that I used to frequent in my childhood. I felt even worse when I thought about how my granddad had built the house on his own – time, money, energy – all for his nine children. It was really sad to see all that effort put to waste. Not that we can blame anyone for it.  We didn’t even stop the car. My kids couldn’t stop asking me why I was crying.  

About one km away from the land, were my grandparents’ graves. We dropped by and read Fatihah for them. By this time, my vision was nearly blurred because of the tears.  What would it be for me and my other half 20 years from now?

Oops.. not the same old entry again! I think I should stop saying that I have been too busy to update my blog!

The fact is, too many things have happened for the last six months since my birthday in June but I guess that is another lame excuse.

Anyway, Happy Islamic New Year to all Muslims. May this coming year be a better year for us all. I received a nice sms from an old friend yesterday, “O Allah, set right for me my religion which is the safeguard of my affairs, set right for me my worldly affairs in which is my livelihood, set right for me my hereafter on which depends my afterlife, make life for me means of increasing all that is good, and make death a protection for me from every evil. Ameen.”

I need to reflect on a few things that happened since the last time I updated this blog.

The worst was when my dear husband was involved in an accident while he was working on the night shift. It was terrible. Traumatic. I tried to support him emotionally as much as possible but of course, saying is always easier than doing. I learnt that everything that we have is actually on loan from Allah. He can take back whatever He wants and whenever He wants it. My husband’s experience is just a ‘warning’ from Him. Alhamdulillah, although he did have a tough time coping with the pain but he is a much stronger person now. And I have never stopped praying for him. May Allah reward him for being sabr (patient) and redha.

I also had the opportunity to travel to Cairo and Alexandria, Egypt on a business trip last month. Alhamdulillah, it was like a dream come true. Spending 9 days there was sufficient to convince me that I should get a job there! (how I wish! J) Anyway, we managed to squeeze our already tight schedule to visit the Egyptian Museum, the famous Khan-el-Khalili shopping bazaar (ouch!), the oldest university in the world – Al Azhar and of course, not forgetting the Pyramids and the Salah El-Din Citadel. It was funny though - the pyramids did amaze me (I feel awkward thinking about the number of lives that were lost while building them for the Pharaohs!) but the Citadel – it was just magnificent. Incredible. Superb.

One thing I learnt from the visit – you can have all the power and strength in the world, but in the end, you return to Allah!

Updates on the kids – they are now in kindergarten. After much thought, we decided to send them to Pusat Asuhan Tunas Islam or PASTI. Of course, one of the main reasons for sending them there is because it is close to my parents’ home and it would be easier for my dad to pick them up at 12. But the main reason is the Islamic teachings and the Islamic environment. I was there on the first day. It was quite impressive. They started the morning with an assembly, but it was not ‘another’ assembly. They started by reading the shahadah! Subhanallah! I pray that my kids would turn out to be practicing Muslims! Amin!

I have also finished my second round of ICSA examinations. After two ‘horrible’ months I completed the two most difficult papers – Financial Management and Secretaryship. Although I am not too sure of passing but I pray that Allah makes things easier for me. The results should be out in March so I am praying for the best

My husband’s granddad and granddad’s brother passed away – the difference in time was just one month away. But what affected me most was the granddad’s brother who was the imam of the kampong. Being a PAS supporter, he was always ridiculed by the rest of the community. But he never gave in. And most importantly, he made the Quran his companion. On his deathbed, just a few minutes before he passed away, he called his wife to sit next to him. He looked at her, smiled, lifted his hands, uttered “Allahumma hawwin ‘alaina fi sakaratil maut”, wiped his face, placed his hands on his chest and closed his eyes. I cried when I learnt about his ending. Subhanallah. He was 80 years old and he still had a strong mind! May Allah reward him and grant him jannah!

Other than that, life goes on…

I turned 33 yesterday, 18th June 2007.

I suddenly feel so old…

After waking up at 4.00 a.m. in the morning as I usually do on work days, I suddenly felt so tired. Exhausted. I felt like I needed some rest. After much thought, I decided to take the day off. My kids were extremely happy when they woke up. Kakak asked me, ‘If you are on leave, why are you dressed so nicely?’ Adik simply couldn’t stop hugging me. Those words and gestures were the most precious birthday presents I could ever receive!

Anyway, as my husband was on the night shift, we decided to take the kids out for lunch at McDonalds. My husband bought me a VCD that I have been looking for the past few months. The title? Well, it is something that I want to keep to myself (mengada-ngada aje!). But when we got home, I had a bigger surprise. My parents came all the way from their home (which is basically about 10 minutes away from mine) to send me a birthday cake. It was a chocolate birthday cake, with a big “Happy Birthday” on it. I cried!

Turning 33 made me realize that I still have a lot of dreams that I want to fulfill in life. And I pray that Allah gives me the strength and guidance to move forward in life…

Happy Birthday to Me!

I had to attend a meeting in Kuala Lumpur yesterday. Instead of driving, I decided to take the public transport hoping that I could get some rest. My twins have been quite challenging to manage this past few days and driving would create another headache for me. A three-hour bus ride would provide me with sufficient time to rest.

I brought along with me ‘Relevankah Aku Di Hatimu (RADHA)’ which essentially means Am I Relevant to You written by a new author, Rynsa. I bought this book during the recent Kuala Lumpur International Book Fair but since I have been busy with my ICSA examinations, I had kept it safely in my bag. Anyway, I just couldn’t stop reading the book. I managed to finish half of the book on my way to KL, and completed the rest on my way home.. with some occasional naps in between, of course.

The book brought me many bitter sweet memories. It reminded me a lot about the place where I had spent pursuing my undergraduate degree, Melbourne. The most liveable city in the world. No, the story had nothing to do with Melbourne, it was all about Japan, but the involvement of the main characters in Islamic organizations was what brought tears to my eyes. During my student days, I was quite active in Islamic activities. Every term break, gatherings or camps were organized. Summer Camp, Winter Camp, Spring Camp.. you name it. Most of us had our schedules planned around this activities. Weekdays and nights were filled with lectures, tutorials and revisions. Weekends were reserved for Islamic activities – usrahs, study circles, visits, picnics. Not even a single hour was put to waste. By the time I became a senior, I started to lead usrah groups. I had so much time to do all kinds of things. Those were experiences I would treasure for the rest of my life. It gave my life a lot of meaning.

But things have been different ever since I returned home. I am very, extremely inactive in doing Islamic activities which I really enjoy doing – learning new things, discussing with fellow friends, arguing on current issues… Although right now, I am trying to get myself more active by becoming involved in the activities at my workplace. And after reading the book, my earlier belief - that by having a partner that has the same ‘fikrah’ or understanding is a strong factor – is re-emphasized. Of course, my other half is a devoted Muslim, but he is not into Islamic activities very much - maybe due to lack of exposure, lack of experience and lack of friends. The ‘right environment’ is lacking. But I still have this hope that things would change one day. And I will keep praying that Allah will show us the light… Ameen.

And I guess, it does reflect on me as well. I have to keep improving myself, improving my iman to Him… Because afterall, Allah has said in the Holy Quran in Surah Al Baqarah, verse 187 on husbands and wives… “..they are your garments and you are their garments….”

The recent Federal Court decision on Lina Joy came as a relief to many Malaysian muslims. It may seem harsh to those who do not understand the concept of freedom of religion in Islam, but it was the best decision. However, I still wish someone could talk to Lina Joy about it. Of course, she is no longer a Muslim but I wish she could see the beauty of Islam as other “reverts” see it.

It is really funny though. Everywhere around the world, more and more people are coming to Islam – there are even rumours of Michael Jackson turning to Islam. When I was in Australia, I used to attend sessions at the mosque (or Islamic Center in Melbourne City) where people say their syahadah. The most memorable session was when a couple (I think it was in 1995) said their syahadah in front of the imam and about another 100 witnesses. The wife just couldn’t stop crying. Before she said her syahadah, I remember her asking the imam if all her previous sins would be cancelled off and if she would be like a newborn baby upon reciting the syahadah. When the imam nodded and answered yes to her questions, she cried and cried and actually made everyone else in the room cry! Subhanallah.

But then again, there are still many Muslims fighting to leave the religion. I know of one person in Melbourne (I met her in 1993) who left Islam because when she first arrive Melbourne, no Muslims were around to help her! Nauzubillah. I don’t know what happened to her after she left university, but I hope she remained a Muslim. I guess it all boils down to your inner self. If you care about the religion, you make time to understand the philosophy and reasons behind it all, and if there is the desire to practice life-long learning, you will never stop learning about the religion! Ya Allah.. Ya Ar Rahman.. Ya Ar Rahim.. Guide us all to the right path… Ameen.

Anyway, I have been travelling for the past 2 weeks. First to Colmar Tropicale at Bukit Tinggi Pahang for a workshop. Since my parents were too lazy to go and my husband couldn’t take time off work, I brought my sister-in-law with me. It was quite a good trip. We managed to try (for the first time!) the sauna. And guess what? I love it. My mum even offered me her sauna set that she received as a gift. I just couldn’t resist it. But since I am too tight up now with my coming examinations, I decided to take it later. Then right after Bukit Tinggi, I had to attend another workshop. This time at a new place in Taiping called Kamalodge. It was SUPERB! It had such a nice surrounding. Cosy. Sweet and Simple. And the pool – my kids spent almost every minute there! And finally, a seminar in Johor. My husband was kind enough to take 3 days off to come with me - without the kids - so it was like another honeymoon for us. It was such a long ride though, almost 8 hours! Such boredom – although Johor Bahru was a nice place.

My exams are coming soon. I hope to survive these next few days. Pray for me.

 Hanya satu yang ku pinta kebaikan dariNya
Moga dipeliharakan tulus cinta kita
Agar kukuh ikatan yang murni bahagia selamanya
Dengan lafaz pernikahan yang mulia

It has been nearly one year since I wrote. No, I have not forgotten this blog, neither have I lost the interest to write. I just couldn’t find the time. That is a lame excuse I know, but that is just the truth. Maybe writing was not one of my priorities for the past few months. But I still want to continue this. I promised myself that I would start slow, maybe one entry a week would be good enough… I have also moved to wordpress.com. Blogger.com was an excellent tool, but I just wanted to try something new.

Well, I have so many things to write, that I don’t know where to start..

The most talked about thing now is the marriage of Perak’s (or maybe nation’s) most eligible bachelor, the Raja Muda Perak, Raja Dr Nazrin Shah. As a Perakian, I am extremely happy that finally, he has decided to tie the knot. Most of us have been waiting to see who shall be his bride after all these years. He finally made his choice and the lady is Zara Salim Davidson. Eat your hearts out…. ladies! The guy’s taken! But it is funny though.. there was a time when I had a strong feeling that he would stay unmarried for the rest of his life. But alhamdulillah, the news brought smiles to everyone’s face. Finally, this brilliant graduate from Harvard is getting married. Congratulations Tuanku! Mabruk! I pray that you have an everlasting marriage!

My twins are turning four this August. How they have grown! But kakak is a bit smaller in size compared to adik. Kakak is about 17 kg now, while adik is almost 19 kg. We decided not to send them to preschool yet since they are still young and my parents were so against the idea. So, I started sending them to reading classes using the Bacalah Anakku concept, early this year. It went rather smoothly for the first three months. They were nearly completing Book 3 but kakak suddenly violently refuse going to school. You see, Kakak has a dislike towards strange men and the facilitator’s husband just happened to come back early that day. After a long discussion with my husband, we decided that maybe we should wait a little longer before we send them to any school

Other than that, I am enjoying my working life very much. Almost everyday, I am faced with a new challenge and I always get to learn new things. A supportive boss and some helpful friends really make a difference.

Anyway, just a thought for the day: Leslie Nelson once said, “Doing nothing is very hard to do – you never know when you’re finished

And I say, “Life is short. So, do something worthwhile!”

I have been away from blogging for too long now. I have decided to attempt moving to WordPress. Bear with me while I update!