Maryam’s Musings

Kuala Terengganu is a very peaceful city. I was there just last week for four days on business, and without my kids or husband! Nevertheless, staying at Primula Parkroyal was just heavenly. I could see the South China Sea from my hotel bedroom window. It was just so calming, so serene. The only most frustrating thing for me was that I left my camera behind! Ouch! I had to make do with my handphone camera, which didn’t turn out so bad. Alhamdulillah. But I really hope to go back there one day. 

The food…. Fuh! Unbelievable! The keropok lekor that we had at Teluk Ketapang made me go crazy!!!! 

I managed to visit the extremely-expensive-but-beautiful-and-controversial Crystal Mosque on one of the evenings after work, and did my Zuhur-Asr prayer there. It wasn’t 100% complete so I couldn’t actually enter the site where they built the replicas of world’s famous mosques. I could only view them from afar – they are quite impressive actually.  Regardless, I still like the ‘old and traditional’ Floating Mosque (Masjid Terapung). The feeling was just different. Just watching the Floating Mosque brought tears to my eyes. I didn’t feel that way when I was in the Crystal Mosque though. I wish I could explain why… 

Anyway, I ‘stumbled’ upon the newly-appointed MB of Trengganu who was also staying at the same hotel. He was on the way to the airport to receive the Tuanku who came down from KL. He looked quite calm on the outside, but Allah knows what is in his heart! If I were him, I don’t think I can trust the 22 elected Wakil Rakyats whom were so against his appointment in the first place. Funny how people can change within a few days. Really. One minute you are saying, no, I will not agree and I will resign from my post if you select him. But after another minute, yes, I agree that you appoint him. Can one of you really prove your stand, please?

Things in the 5 states are getting better. Our leaders just today, announced the formation of a formal alliance, most likely to be named Pakatan Rakyat. Cool, huh? I am sure they will work hand-in-hand for a better Malaysia. The combination of Tuan Guru Haji Hadi, Anwar Ibrahim and Lim Kit Siang is just perfect. And add Kak Wan Azizah to the team – more perfect than perfect! Good Luck Barisan Nasional – I am sure you will have a tough time in the Parliament!

After two weeks of preparation and hardwork, I finally presented the policy to the Management Committee yesterday. Alhamdulillah, everything went extremely smoothly despite the fact that my ex-boss asked really hard questions which I had trouble answering. And Alhamdulillah also, I think it was because I made it a point to wake up that morning to pray Solat Hajat. Allah listens, always! The next step would be to present the policy to the final approving body, the Board of Directors, which would be next month. Insya Allah, I will work and pray hard to make it go as planned, Amin. It took us almost one year to complete the project! 

Anyway, just before I left for home yesterday evening, I had another unexpected surprise. That ex-boss (who was being difficult in the morning) called me to apologize for making things hard for me in the morning! Apologize!!! Subhanallah. The fact was, I was not offended in any way with his questions. I understood his point of view, and I am willing to make the necessary changes to ensure that we get the best deal. But he called. TO APOLOGIZE!! Imagine my surprise.

My reflections on this: when you are ‘up there’, holding high positions in an organization, never forget where you come from. That would keep you humble always! Afterall, you are only a servant of Allah!

History: This ex-boss of mine used to be an extremely difficult person to work with. He used to be the second man in the organization. He is such a perfectionist that even a missing ‘e’ in a word would make him question your capability! But I worked with him for 6 years, and I learnt so much for him. In fact, I thanked him for being that way because he taught me many things. He made you think before taking an action or saying anything for that matter. He would guide you, and he is a strong believer that if you make a mistake once, that’s acceptable, but not the second time!

Nevertheless, after about 8 years being a boss to everyone, he was ‘brought down’ from his position, and he returned to his original profession. What I notice is that he has changed so much ever since. He has become much nicer, humbler, understanding and most importantly, respectful of others. I mean, HIM apologizing? Wow! That is almost out of question two or three years ago! Alhamdulillah.. every thing that happens is always a blessing from Allah!

I cannot believe its February already. Time seems to fly so fast now that I feel as if I don’t have anymore time to do anything at all. Of course, Allah has promised that as the judgment day approaches, you would feel that time becomes shorter everyday! Allahu akbar. May Allah accept all our repentance, accept all our deeds and guide us to the right path. 

Last week was challenging. My team presented a paper to the management committee. Before the paper was tabled, I was required to present the outcome of the trip to Cairo and Alexandria in December. It all went smoothly under this particular person walked into the room. I have always found him to be a difficult person to deal with. I have had many arguments with him. I even remember the argument I had with him when I first joined this organization. That was like, 8 years ago!

Anyway, him being himself, he started commenting. Every single thing that we have done, or plan to do is wrong. Nope! Just not good enough. My superior even commented that he is just like a snake.. in every conversation, he will look for others’ mistakes and weaknesses, and comment on it. 

I tried to see his point of view, but it just doesn’t make any sense. I tried to be positive but I couldn’t. But I have never stopped feeling guilty. You see, I know his dad. His dad is a very respectful ustaz in town. Everyone knows this ustaz. I just wonder why he is nothing like his dad.  

.. iman tak dapat diwarisi… dari seorang ayah yang bertakwa… Well, I keep reminding myself of this! 

Meanwhile, Ustaz Ishak Baharom, a mujaddid, returned to his Creator just recently. Al Fatihah.

Finally, I get to write something after my twins are asleep. Life has been a bit more challenging ever since my maid left for Indonesia for good. For the time being, we decided not to get a new maid and try and do things on our own. My twins spend their day at my mom’s place so that is not too bad. Only that my mom is not young anymore, and she needs a lot of energy to be able to take care of the two kids. It costs so much to get a maid now, so we are basically saving up to do so in another 2 - 3 months time. I am doing it to actually help my mom and dad, they want to take care of kakak and adik, but at the same time, they get tired easily!

Anyway, these past few days, I have been reading 3 main topics being discussed so openly - the World Cup (I hope France wins!), Siti and Datuk K’s supposed-to-happen-in-August wedding, and Mawi vs fiance-turned-model Diana. Besides the World Cup, the other two topics seem to appear at the front page of every newspaper - English and Malay (and Tamil I heard!) - and seem to get more attention than other news of national interest. The funniest thing I read last week was about the speculation on the cost of the wedding ring that Datuk K had purportedly bought for Siti - nearly half a million! So what?? If he is that rich and is willing to spend that much of money on a wedding ring, so be it! (But if he spent the same amount for the people in Palestin, that would be much better of course). And I personally think that because of the media, Diana is now turning into a model - look at the way she poses in front of the camera! Despite the fact that I should be on Diana’s side since she is a female, my heart goes all out for Mawi. The more stories I hear from Diana, the more Mawi looks good to me!!! Mawi - stay cool!

Work is getting better. I am doing more things that I like now. I still have a lot to learn though, since I have not practised ever since I graduated in 1997. So some of the legal terms do seem a bit alien to me. And my boss, he is just amazing. He is a bit off when it comes to discipline (e.g. coming to work at 9 am when we start at 8!) but he is a very comfortable person to work with.

I spent half-a-day on Friday listening to Suhaimi Sulaiman telling us about event management. Finally, I get to meet him in person after regularly visiting his blog. He is cool, and he can really joke and of course gets his points across. I hope this event that we are organizing will run smoothly as planned.

I am going to stop worrying now. I am going to finish up reading this book that my husband bought for me for my birthday, and sleep soundly tonight. Hope France wins!

Why do people like to talk bad about you behind your back? If she doesn’t like what I have been doing, can’t she just be honest and tell me straight on my face? I don’t like what happened to me yesterday. I think I had the worst time of my life. What made it even worse is that the people who listened to her blaming me for all the mistakes are my good friends. And she knows it. Maybe she had everything planned out - so that these people would actually tell me and that I would finally know it and then she’d be happy because I will feel so lousy. But one of my closest friend told me that she was actually trying to cover up all her shortcomings (a lot of things did not get done despite the fact that I have informed her in the meeting 2 weeks ago).

Nevertheless It was just so depressing. I cried - and each of my three good friends really understood what I was going through. Of course, my other half supported me and encouraged me, so I felt okay.. finally.

But last night, before going to bed, I reflected again on what had happened. I cried for so long. I never thought this would happen to me. I wished I knew what to do. Do I just ignore what had happened? Do I pretend that nothing happened? Should I show her that I knew that she had been bad-mouthing me?

This morning, she came to my office to get some documents from another colleague of mine. I had the intention to say hello to her, but then, she just walked straight past me! That was the point of time when I felt the worst! But I ignored what I felt, went right to her and asked if everything was alright. Stupid, wasn’t I?

But then.. Rasulullah experienced worse than what I went through today and he still showed good behaviour to his enemies. I should follow the Sunnah, shouldn’t I? She still would need my help since she was the one who took over my place!

Allah.. please give me strength.. show me the right path… guide me…………..

I should be stronger, and wiser, and less emotional at work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The past few days have been mentally and physically challenging for me. My colleague and I were on our to KL for an exhibition at Midvalley on Thursday afternoon when I received a call from a good friend of mine who happened to be in a meeting to discuss on staff transfer. “You are coming to my department by 1st June!” I said, “What? No, please, not your department. As what?” “Err.. legal” he sounded hesitant. I kept quiet. I simply said ok and disconnected. I cried, I cried so badly that I was unable to speak for sometime.

That was Thursday. I was so upset that my newly appointed boss called me saying that he felt uncomfortable with the change since he is still new and I have been the backbone of my department for the past 6 years.

I reflected over the weekend. I called my soon-to-be new boss and asked him what he expected of me, and what plans he has for me. We discussed for some time, and I am quite happy with the outcome.

So, I am going to move forward and take up a new challenge.

There is nothing wrong in change if it is in the right direction. To improve is to change so to be perfect is to have changed often. (read this somewhere…)

There are only 2 more days left before this major change takes place at work. It would definitely affect me badly, and I am not sure how much my work will be affected. But yesterday was the last meeting chaired by my boss, and he was very excited about leaving! Maybe he has had too much of office politics in the last 7 years! Anyway, last Tuesday, we had a presentation and I would remember what my boss said to me for the rest of my life… “Thank you so much for making my last job easy to complete!” I had tears in my eyes. I went to get something for him yesterday night, and after 15 minutes, I decided on a crystal which has a 3-d vision of a person playing golf - maybe to signify that he now has more time and can improve his golfing skills!

Anyway, I spent 2 hours at the KL International Book Fair on Tuesday morning. It may be short but I spent more than $200 buying books for myself and my children. I could have stayed longer (and of course spent more) but my kids were getting tired. Now, these books would keep me busy for the next 3 months at least!

Well, it looks like I am only able to update my blog once a week now. This has happened two weeks in a row, which is not good. And this is the third time this is happening!

Anyway, I attended a course from Monday - Wednesday this week, on Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It was part of the common core courses that everyone is the organization must attend. We did even talk about the newest 8th habit that Covey had discovered. All in all, it was a very useful course. But it would only be more useful if we could practice it, not only at work, but at home. During the first day of the course, we were asked to think about our mission in life, what we are here for. And I suddenly felt so lousy. I mean, I have been such a bad muslim. I forget that I am a creation of Allah, and that I am here for one purpose only, that is to serve Him. I should plan on how to improve my life. Hereafter is my destiny!

Something else happened at work when I returned on Thursday. There has been rumours that my boss is about to be replaced by someone else since he has to concentrate on a special project under the vice president’s office. Even he admitted it. I was a bit depressed back then, but he told me that it was bound to happen anyway. But on Thursday, I received news that they have appointed someone to replace him. And that person is someone I don’t really favour. I even have posted my opinion on him some time ago. I was so depressed this time, I hid myself under a table. Shucks! If only people really understand his character! Allah, please protect me!