Maryam’s Musings

This love is unbreakable
It’s unmistakeable
And each time I look in your eyes
I know why
This love is untouchable
I feel that my heart just can’t deny
Each time you whisper my name
Oh baby, I know why
This love is unbreakable

I have always loved Julia Roberts. And Richard Gere of course. So last night, we decided to watch, for the ‘I-cannot-remember-how-many-times-th’ time. I was laughing my head off when I watched the part where Julia and Richard had their first kiss during her wedding rehearsal. That was so extremely funny.

But then again.. that movie reflects each and everyone of us. Did we really make the right choice? Is the person that we are with now the ‘ONLY one for me’? One of my lecturers at university used to say, “If you are not sure whether you really love someone.. think carefully… If the world comes to an end the next day, who would you want to be with?”

Thank you Allah.. for giving me the right direction. I am happier now, more than ever. And Allah.. thank you for giving me the best partner in the world, and thank you for the beautiful twins you gave me.

I cannot believe this. I haven’t updated my blog for the past 3 months! Although I sorta miss writing, but work has been so overwhelming that my home internet account was terminated - I have been an inactive user!But I am determined to make a comeback. And ensure that my blog is updated at least on a daily basis.

I turned 31 today. So, Happy Birthday to myself. I have a few things on my mind that I am determined to achieve over the next year or so… and I hope I have the strength to do so.

My dearest husband brought me out for dinner with the kids.. We haven’t had that for a very long time I guess…

To my beloved husband, mom, and dad, thank you for the unconditional love and support all these years…..

I was greeted this morning with a very gloomy face at work. My colleague was in a very bad mood after having a huge fight with her husband. She was nearly into tears.

You might say to me.. well, so what? Every couple would, fight or have arguments every day or every week or even every year.. What is the big deal?

It is to me. I have been hearing stories about her husband for the past two years. I admit that the guy has a lot of improving to do. But today’s story was the worst.

You see.. she has to work to help her husband with the financial commitments. But she cannot drive, so he has to drive her to work.. which takes about 10 minutes from their home.

Today, he woke up late. He didn’t want to be late for work. He left her at home with the two kids, drove to work and told her to take the bike to work. He told her he didn’t have time to send her.

I just cannot accept that. How can you say that your wife is wasting your time? God! She is helping to pay for the rent, the bills, the nursery..

He is crazy. I personally think that she should leave the husband. He is just not worth waiting for. I hope she can cope with all this nonsense.

I am so glad my husband loves me. And I will love him even more after this.

I got so pissed off with my husband’s boss last night. He was on the night shift for the past four days, and according to the normal work schedule, he’d have a three day rest before he starts on the morning shift.

But last night, some ’smart’ guy i.e. my husband’s boss called him up at 6.30 pm while we were having so much fun with the kids.

Boss: “I need you to work tonight, we don’t have enough people”.

Husband: “Oh dear.. Can you find someone else? I have promised my family that I’d take them out for dinner tonight.”

Boss: “But I need you here. The production rate is quite slow. Can you take your family out tomorrow night?”

Husband: “Uhh… umm.. (looks at me)… okay. But I’d be slightly late, say 9 pm. Is that ok?”

Boss: “Good, see you then.”

Me: “How could you agree???”

Husband: “I had to. He is the boss.”

Me: “Remind me to hit him with the car the next time I see him.”

And I was again, sleeping alone last night.. missing my husband.

I have never felt this lonely before. My significant other has been on the night shift for the past few days.. and I miss him so dearly. I don’t know if I can stand another night without him next to me..Meanwhile.. For the past week, I have been doing a lot of surfing on the net. I discovered quite a number of blogs which talks about love and relationships. Call me naive, but I am terrified to see the number of marriages failing and married couples getting divorced. Really, it is scary. But this things are just facts of life. People fall in love, out of love, get married, get divorced, have extra-marital affairs….

I do have fights with my husband, some which are serious ones … but although I do sometimes say that getting a divorce maybe a good thing (especially when things get out of hand).. deep down in my heart, I know it is not true. I mean, I struggle to get through the nights without my husband by myside.. how can I ever get through the nights and days without him by myside? Furthermore, I always believe that a happy family becomes the foundation of a successful society. Therefore, more than ever, I am determined to make my marriage work, no matter what it takes. I am so determined to be a good wife. I know I have a wonderful husband.

Unless of course, the AlMighty has other plans for me.. Allah, please show me the way…

Why do we hurt the people that we love? I always have this feeling deep inside me that says that I shouldn’t hurt him. But I just cannot help myself. Sometimes I do it intentionally.. probably because I felt that he has hurt me badly, or because I felt that I have not been treated well.

I had a huge fight with him. I wasn’t feeling too well.. and I had to sleep late to finish some office work that was due some time ago. But then, the twins decided to have some fun at 3 am in the morning. I was so tired to entertain them, so I begged him to look after them since he was not working the next day.. but he decided that sleep was more important. I simply couldn’t help myself. I cried and cried and said bad things to him which I shouldn’t have.

I regret saying those things to him. I regret hurting him. But I did. And I can never take back those words.. and I hurt him because I couldn’t control myself.

What a week this has been. My last entry was on Monday, and since then, I haven’t been able to find the time to write.

Everything was going smoothly for me this week… work was progressing well, my significant other has been very supportive, and the twins were very well behaved… and the event that we have planned for went extremely well today.

But this morning… I received an sms from a very good friend of mine. And suddenly my world turned upside down. The message read: “I met with an accident at 1.30 a.m. this morning. My second child had passed away.” I was devastated. I just couldn’t believe my eyes. This cannot be true! She is such a sweet girl.

I decided to get in touch with my other friends, hoping that the news was not true. Unfortunately, everyone else confirmed it. But I still couldn’t believe it. Calling him was not an option at that time as I knew he’d be busy with the funeral. So, I just had to pretend that nothing had happened.

Apparently he was trying to avoid hitting another car in front of him but his car swerved and the child was thrown out of the car, only to be crushed by it. She died on the spot. And she was only 7 years old.

I was able to keep my emotions in control the whole day at the office. I reached home at around 6.30 p.m. when I decided, it was time to make a call. I dialled his number, we said hello… but as soon as I heard his voice, I just couldn’t take it anymore. The plan to stay calm, and give him the moral support he required went into the drain. I just cried. And cried. And cried. And cried.

I am amazed at his calmness. He is such an incredible man.. a man with strong iman.. and he accepted it as fate from Allah..

I guess… Life must go on… And therefore, everyone should live it to the fullest… Love hard so that when the time comes, there will be no regrets..

To my dearest W, Rest in peace. We will definitely miss you very much..

And to my dearest B & F, May Allah reward you with all the strength you require… Please be strong my friend….

It has been an extremely challenging day for me today. My to-do-list just keeps growing. And just because of one small mistake (well, it is small to me but big to my boss).. I had to endure a 20-minute lecture from my superior about separating emotions from work. He didn’t even let me defend my actions. Damn you! But I did have a good laugh.. he said that maybe, I was under a spell which was the reason why I acted the way I did. He is just plain crazy.. no, not crazy, annoying and irritating. I am not sure how much longer I can stand working under him.

Now, let me talk about something that may ‘uplift’ my spirits. My significant other has been on the night shift since Tuesday night, and I haven’t seen him since Tuesday morning. I was listening to the radio on the way to work this morning, when he called me. And the conversation went something like this…

H: So, what are you listening to?

M: Actually, I am listening to Sheila Majid’s Kerinduan (literally means I Miss You)

H: Hmm.. I miss you.

M: I miss you too. (feeling like bursting already)

….Silence…

H: Do you know that Mahmoud Abbas won the elections?

M: Huh????? What does that have to do with you missing me?

H: Nothing. Just thought I mention it to you.

M: Oh… Okay.

I admit I am a romantic person at heart. Although I do accept that men sometimes find it hard to express their feelings…. but that conversation this morning…. goodness… I should tell him that I’d prefer if he’d be more romantic….

My best friend sent me an SMS this morning which reads like this:

IMPORTANT! For men only….

Resolution for 2005 - Must listen to wife more because she gives sound advice….

99% sound and 1% advice.

And I was reminded by this cute pic I received sometime ago……



Men will always be men…………..

Happy new year my dear friend!