Maryam’s Musings

But, where do we go after that? Do we say sorry and forget things? Forget the argument that you just had? In your next unplanned argument, would you start reminding your spouse that he or she had hurt you with those words before? Or do you work so hard to make things work in your marriage that you sacrifice your own happiness? And then you think to yourself, when is all this ever going to end?

I found a helpful article from the Young Muslims of Australia on Adab within the Muslim Family. It outlines six tips for discussions and agreements:  

Life is about sacrifices. Being married is to love, and to give. Because, loving is about giving. And in giving, how we give is more important than how much we give. And love still counts….

 Hanya satu yang ku pinta kebaikan dariNya
Moga dipeliharakan tulus cinta kita
Agar kukuh ikatan yang murni bahagia selamanya
Dengan lafaz pernikahan yang mulia

My husband and I were here on Monday and Tuesday. For the second time. The first time was with the kids, and my parents but this time around, it was just us.

I love this place. And I am definitely coming back.. if the time and money permits.

This is a great article to share..

Following are some rules that may benefit those seeking an Islamic marriage, as well as, those who are already married.

1. Be conscious of your physical appearance

No one was more conscious of this than the Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam. His Sunnah reflects keen attention to personal hygiene and good grooming. He kept himself strong and muscular. Most likely the first aspect of you that attracted your spouse was your appearance, so don’t think that simply because you are married the task is over. You can’t hide a weight problem under Thawbs’ (dress) and long Khimars’ (veils). Your spouse knows. Be aware that you live in a society that places a high premium on physical appearance. It flaunts the shapely female and hermuscular counterpart. Temptations that beckon non-Muslims beckon Muslims as well. Don ‘t allow your spouse to get side-tracked by the likes of film stars. Jog, join a gym, roller skate, swim and stay in shape (within the confines of Shari’ah). Insha’Allah, you will be more vibrant, more radiant, and more attractive to your spouse.

2. Be a companion to your spouse

Try to show enthusiasm for your spouse’s interests and hobbies. It is well-known that the Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam would run races with ‘Aisha R.A. By all means try to involve your spouse in your interests.

3. Be active in Islamic community life

This will strengthen your commitment to Islam while providing you with a wholesome social outlet.

4. Admit to your mistakes and have a forgiving, generous attitude when your spouse errs

Most Muslims fall short of the Islamic ideal. Contradictions abound. Be quick to admit your shortcomings and work to amend them. Be understanding when your spouse does not live up to the Islamic ideal and gently try to motivate him or her in the right direction.

5. Have a sense of humor

Be able to chuckle at life’s minor aggravations.

6. Be modest when around members of the opposite sex

Do not try to test your spouse’s affection by feigning interest in another. This will only cause dissension and bad feelings.

7. Share household duties

Brothers, take note. This is especially important these days when women work outside the home. The Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam always helped his wives around the house and even mended his own clothes. Who knows? You might find you actually like preparing the evening meal or taking care of the child/children so your wife can have the afternoon off. The Messenger of Allah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam said, “The most perfect of the believers in faith is the best of them in moral excellence, and the best of you are the kindest of you to their wives” (at-Tirmidhi).

8. Surprise each other with gifts

Treat her to an evening out alone, away from the children. There are no words to describe the lift this can give to a marriage.

9. Communicate your feelings to one another, good and bad

Tell him how handsome he looks. Where there is disagreement, have an open discussion. Don’t collect red stamps. Nip it in the bud .

10. Live within your means

Stay away from credit cards if you can. Sisters, take note. Don’t envy the possessions of your friends, and belittle your husband because he can’t provide them for you. Muslim couples will do well to stay away from ostentatious living. The Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam did not live this way, neither should you.

11. Respect your spouse’s need for privacy

A quiet time to oneself, either at home or away from home, each day can make a disagreeable person agreeable.

12. Don ‘t share personal problems with others

There are a few exceptions to this rule, but if you must discuss personal problems, make sure it is with a person in whom you have the utmost confidence. If you have a learned Muslim brother or sister in your community, seek him or her out first.

13. Be sensitive to your spouse’s moods

If you want to share a personal achievement, don’t do it when your spouse is ‘down in the dumps’. Wait for the proper time. You may be saying to yourself, “This is easier said than done.” Well, you’re right. A successful marriage doesn’t just happen. It’s not simply a matter of luck or finding the right person. It takes hard work and determination. It means being selfless and making mistakes. It means having vengeance on your mind but forgiveness in your heart. But, then, its perfection is “half of faith”.

“Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead righteous.” [Surah Al-Furqan Verse 74]

The whole world is an asset and the best asset is a good spouse.

Adapted from the original article “Tips for a Happier Muslim Marriage” by Muntaqima Abdur-Rashid and taken from ..a wife’s babbling…

On my way to work this morning, my favourite radio station, ERA, played this song on the radio. Tiada Lagi Tangisan is sang by Aishah, who has been in the Malaysian music industry since the 80s. It literally means No More Tears… I love the tune. I love the lyrics. To me, it kinda reflects on Aishah’s own life… This song basically says that I have gone through so much pain, so I should stop feeling sad. There is no more need to hope.. leave me alone as I need to go on with my life..

kini telah lama kita berpisah

rintihan asmara kian berubah

tiada lagi mengharap

tiada lagi belaian manja mu

semua telah berakhir

ketenangan hidup menyinariku

keperitan cinta terlerai sudah

tabah dengan hati luka nan berduri

ku mengenali siapakah diriku

yang sebenarnya

tiada lagi tangisan

tiada lagi air mata

membasahi jiwa luka

yang tinggallah hanya memori duka

semuanya diduga

pertemuan kali ini takkan berkekalan

berakhirlah istana bahagia

biarkan daku hidup kesorangan

tak perlu lagi cinta yang menghiris luka

titisan air mata kini kekeringan

tak perlu menabur kasihmu

dan kini tertutup jendela harapan ini

kau yang menanti ke pangkuan aku

semua takdir yang telah ku temu

akan ku rela segalanya tanpa mu

I was reading a really interesting article this morning about the effects of men’s body odour on women. They did a study in a university in the US on a few women. How they did it was they took some samples of men’s body odour (especially from the armpits) and tested it on a few selected women. These women weren’t informed that those were the body odour of the men, instead they were told that the smell was for a new perfume. Surprisingly, the effect was that the women felt more calm, and it actually made them more relaxed.

The funny thing though is that, I have always loved the smell of my husband’s body odour especially if he hugs me under his armpits before going to bed. I have never spoken to anyone about this before, but after reading that research outcome, I guess I couldn’t agree more. To me, that is the beauty of Allah’s creation. Men and women are created to complement each other. And one of the ways for a harmonious relationship between a man and a woman is probably through these things. It may be insignificant to some people, but to others, like myself, it feels damn good to be able to sleep soundly every night with your beloved husband next to you.. and forgetting all the stress from work!

By the way, my husband is on night shift tonight. And I am feeling so stressed at the moment. I will be travelling overseas next week for one week, and I would definitely miss him and the kids. I guess I would really have to spend a lot of time under his armpits once he finishes the night shift and before I leave so that I won’t feel so upset! LOL!!!

PS: My friend’s husband decided to leave that lady, end all types of communication with her, and concentrate on the family. Allah has granted her prayers! Subhanallah!

What do you do when you find out that your husband is getting very close with another woman at work? And that he and the other lady have already confessed to each other that they have some kind of chemistry between them?

My best friend asked me this question last night. I was stunned.

I told her that I have no answer to her question.

What WOULD any normal wife do??? What would I do if this happened to me????

Today, Malaysia celebrates her 48th Independence Day.

And today, is also my 5th wedding anniversary. I cannot believe how much time flies. There have been so many good times, and of course some rough times. But then, my love for my husband still stands strong, and is probably getting stronger each day. Thank you Allah, for giving me this beautiful gift.

And now I remember the reason why we chose 31st August to get married… so that each year, our wedding anniversary falls on a public holiday! Good move! We should be going out for dinner tonight, and my kids get to spend 3 - 4 hours with their grandparents while we’re out.

To my other friends who chose this very same day to get married (I know at least 6 of them), Happy Anniversary.

I pray to Allah for a wonderful and fulfilling life ahead…..