My dearest beloved uncle passed away on Thursday, 8th September 2005 at 4.05 p.m.
I am still missing him now. Visions of his face keep haunting me. And I can still recall his last words to me on the 30th of August 2005.. “Please take care of yourself…” as I kissed him on the cheek with tears in my eyes. I had a feeling that he won’t be with us that long.. but then… I didn’t expect him to leave us so soon….
Al Fatihah to Noordin Mohamed Zain. You will always be in my prayers.
Why do our loved ones leave us at the most inappropriate times?
Early July this year, just a few months back, I lost a cousin. She died of cancer. Two weeks later, while I was busy preparing for a very important event at work, my aunt died of old age. One day before my fifth wedding anniversary, my father’s eldest brother died after being bedridden for nearly 4 years. The last time I met him was a year ago.
And now, my father’s younger brother (younger by 4 years) is in a coma. He has been having kidney problems and has been on the dialysis machine for the past 25 years. And one day before his eldest brother died, he collapsed. After the funeral of my eldest uncle, we visited him at the Intensive Care Unit at KL Hospital. He was still conscious at that time, and managed to wave a weak hello to us. But this morning, my brother called to say that his body refused to accept any more medicine and has simply refused to undergo the dialysis thing. The doctors are trying hard to increase his blood pressure so that they can perform dialysis.. but his body keeps rejecting it.
I feel so upset. I am close to this uncle of mine. When I first started working in KL, I lived with him for nearly 6 months. He helped me a lot, and supported me emotionally.
I pray he gets well soon.. but if Allah decides otherwise, I pray that he goes in iman.
Life is just too short….
It is my father-in-law’s 56th birthday. We decided not to celebrate it today, but this coming Sunday since everyone is so busy at work.
And I have been requested by my sis-in-law to bake my famous “moist chocolate cake”.
Well, I don’t mind doing it. But I don’t think I’ll be doing it wholeheartedly.
No, don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate that man. Its just that there are a few things that he has done that I can never forget.
My late mother-in-law loved him unconditionally. But he betrayed her trust. When she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1995, he secretly married another. It is not wrong. I cannot say it is wrong since Islam has allowed it. But, what I consider wrong is him marrying her when his first wife was suffering and dying of cancer. I think that is so cruel. Would it be too much if he refrained from doing so until she dies? She needed him to be at her side. God, she was dying!
Of course, my late mom-in-law was too good a person. She was so patient through it all. She found out about the marriage, but no one else knew. Not even the kids. Not my husband or his sisters. But she confided in me, who at that time was only engaged to her son. She pretended that nothing took place. And she made me promise not to tell her children. I just couldn’t see her suffering. It was so painful.
And one week after she died a peaceful death, my dad-in-law brought home the new wife to the house, much to the shock of the children.
I still cannot find the heart to forgive him. Not today. Not now. Not tomorrow. Maybe some years from now. Or maybe not.
To my dearest mom-in-law.. Rest in peace.. Al Fatihah and may Allah reward your patience. We miss you.
I am looking forward very much to the next five days as the whole of Malaysia will be on holidays. And finally I get a full 5-day rest, at home.. with my kids and husband. The Chinese will be celebrating Chinese New Year, so to all my Chinese friends, Gong Xi Fa Cai. The Muslims will also be celebrating the new Islamic year.. so Happy Maal Hijrah to all my Muslim brothers and sisters. May this coming year brings us all Allah’s blessings and love.
The most interesting things about these celebrations are the advertisements that appear on TV. The latest advertisement by the national oil company, PETRONAS, was most touching. It was a story about the love of a grandparent who had to endure great hardship to raise her only grandchild. The child’s parents had left him with his grandmother since they had to find a living elsewhere.. but they never came back.
And I am so reminded of my late grandmother. Although my parents had never left me, I was raised by my grandma, or “Opah” as I call her since my parents were both full time teachers. She was a great woman. My late grandfather had many wives, but he only had children with my grandmother.. i.e. my mom and my uncle. He seldom comes home, and my mom used to tell me how she tried to persuade my grandma to get a divorce and remarry. But she would never agree.. You see.. my mom wanted a father who was always home. But my grandma was a loyal person. She loved my granddad regardless. And she chose to stay married to him until he died. She died 33 years later.
And that, to me.. is the greatest love story of all. To love another unconditionally… Which I think is something of a challenge to me!
I still miss my grandma very much. I wasn’t by her side when she died. I was almost 7000 kms away… And all I have left of her, are the sweet memories…..
Al Fatihah to my beloved grandmother…
Eid Mubarak and Happy Deepavali. I had a good rest. For one whole week. Time well-spent with the family and especially my kids. One day before Eid, we went shopping. Since we didn’t have time to actually make our own like we used to, we decided to buy them. It was good, and cheap, although they didn’t taste as good as if we made them ourselves.
The first day of Eid brought back so many bitter sweet memories. I cried a lot. And I meant it when I said I was sorry, especially to my parents and husband. We never fought since then. The journey back to Abang’s hometown was good. The kids behaved themselves well. A lot of his relatives were commenting that the kids have grown so much. The last time we brought them back was exactly a year ago! The second day of Eid, was spent at mom’s hometown. They cooked good food. Really good. So I spent the whole day eating.
My big brother came home on the fourth day of Eid. So the house was full again. The kids were happy to see their cousins that they refused to sleep!
But, so much for Eid celebrations… I learnt something new this Eid. Purchase a Touch-N-Go card and reload it so that it doesn’t take you long to queue when paying tolls!!
They are all here. The house is in chaos. One of my family members came back to have iftar with us. And he brought back all his children along. The twins are so happy to see their cousins that they decided to have fun. They refused to sleep the whole afternoon. But Alhamdulillah, they slept quite early tonight. And I finally get to rest.My other half is on night shift tonight. So, I am all alone. After we made up, we never fought again until today. We promised ourselves that we will try to rekindle the love between us both. And we will always think of the kids. I love them too much. And so does he. And I cannot imagine them growing up without a father to love. Allah.. please help us. Please guide us and protect us from harm.
Last Friday’s discussion session was also great. I learnt a lot from the group. I miss the times in Melbourne where those gatherings happen more often. It is so true when people say that the environment around you shapes your character in a way. I should go to these gatherings more often.
I miss my other half. Very badly.
